M.W.S.

There has been something that has been placed on my heart recently to write about...but I have done everything to avoid. It's somebody that I don't really like talking about because it's just plain difficult for me. It's hard for me to talk about my cousin, Michael. 


Michael was my beautiful younger cousin by just a couple of moments. He had a wonderful soul and such a peaceful state. He was adventurous and spontaneous. He loved being outdoors and every activity that dealt with being outside. He had a kind heart and was a complete gentlemen. I don't remember a day growing up that I didn't see that boy smile. He always put what I wanted in front of him. And that is just the beginning of what I could say about it him...


I think there comes a point in some peoples lives when they feel like they can't keep moving forward. I know that countless days in middle school, I would wake up pleading to escape this world. I was depressed and could not see a light at the end of my tunnel. All I saw for a few months or maybe in years was darkness. I had many suicidal thoughts and wondered what life would be like without me. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life and I know the feeling of just giving up. I know what it feels like to have the weight of the world on my shoulders...or so it seems. 


I don't really know if that was the feeling my cousin had on January 15, 2007. I don't know if he felt that feeling or something stronger. I don't know what his last thoughts were or even what his last day or weeks were like. I don't really know how he came to his decision to move on past this world. I don't know and I know that I never will (which took many years to accept.)


Suicide is one of the biggest problems that face the world today. To me, it's bigger than any cancer, teen pregnancy, or any other social issue. It's the issue where people decide that there is no other way but ending their way. It breaks my heart every time I hear a story about it. It's heartbreaking and those words just scratch the surface on how it affects everyone. 


I miss my cousin everyday. I miss him and I loved him to pieces. I pray for him and that I know I will see his huge smile again. And I can't wait to hug him again. Gah...I can't wait. 




I am writing this not only in remembrance of my wonderful friend but also to express something that I learned and I want to share. It's so simple but so meaningful. 


Tell your loved ones that they are loved...every moment you can. And believe with every fiber of your soul that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 


That it does get easier...


Trust me. 


I love you Michael. I literally carry you on my side everyday- what a blessing. 
And I will be seeing you.