I believe in pink. I believe that laughter is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. - Audrey Hepburn

Sister from another Mother

Today is the birthday of my very near and dear friend, Courtney. 


I literally could write five million pages of the reasons why I not just love her but adore her. But I just wanted to write a quick post wishing her the best day today. 


She has an amazing heart of precious gold and I am so so so grateful to have her in my life. She inspires me everyday with the way she accepts everyone and loves with her entire heart. We go beyond best friends and even beyond sisters. I know through my entire life she will be by my side and I will always be there for her. My family is her family and her family is my family and would not have any other way. 


I hope everyone has that special friend that you can be completely yourself around. Every girl needs a best friend but sorry Courtney Parlin is taken by me :) 


I love you to pieces. Your the biggest blessing to me. I miss you everyday and can't wait to laugh again and see you over the summer. I hope today is beautiful because you deserve it. 


Happy Birthday! 

Unanswered Prayers

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers 
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs 
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care 
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"



Above our lyrics from an amazing Garth Brooks song called Unanswered Prayers. If you haven't heard it before, then click here to listen to it. 


I just recently heard this song again on the radio and really started thinking about all the prayers that God never answered. I began to think of what a blessing it was that some of my prayers never were answered. 


To explain a little better ---- When I was in middle/high school (before I ever met my husband) there was one boy that I was crazy about. I mean I literally think I was ridiculously too crazy about him. I met him in 6th grade and instantly fell into the classic head over heels in love scenario. And of coarse, he was such a nice guy but never felt the same way about me. He only saw me as a "friend."


I remember I would literally plan my days around him. I would change my outfit a million times just in case he might show up to this event (which he normally never did or he was with some sleeeezy girl.) I remember I would look cute everyday just in case I "randomly" bumped into him. I memorized everything about him and wanted to know everything so I could prove that I was the best girl for him.


From 6th grade till pretty much the end of 9th grade, I would pray the say pray to God every night. I would plead that God would make him love me. I would pray that God would show him that I was the only girl for him. I would plead that he would wake up and realize he was madly in love with me like a Taylor Swift song. But mostly, I would just pray some nights, when I knew that I was too crazy about him, that God would not let me be in love with him anymore.


Fast forward almost 8 years later... 


God never answered that prayer of making this guy my "Prince Charming." God never made him love me. God never gave me an easy route to getting over him. God just waited, patiently, for me to realize that this boy was not right for me. He waited for me to move on from this boy so I could meet the real wonderful man I now love and who loves me back. 


Today, I don't really know where this guy is. I don't really know what has happened in his life since 9th grade and honestly I am okay with that. I hope he finds everything he is looking for in life. I am just so thankful for God not answering every single prayer I send up His way. I mean why should He? Some prayers are coming from a selfish heart and not a service heart. Some prayers are just for our benefit (like my silly issue with the boy) and not for His glory. Some prayers are just meant to be heard and understood by God instead of acting upon. 


And honestly thank goodness that He can tell the difference in our prayers or I do not want to know where I would be if He answered prayers that weren't part of His plan. I think everybody should find that scaryyy. 


Just thank goodness God is in control. Thank goodness that boy never loved me back. Thank goodness I found a man that God did answer my prayers about. Thank goodness He is God and not me. 

Mea Maria

This is our wonderful child, Mea Maria. I love her to pieces. We have had her ever since we moved to Hawai'i and she has made it an interesting adventure. She is a chocolate lab and is about half the size of a normal lab. She is two but seriously looks like a puppy. 


I have never meet a dog that literally loves every single person and every single dog. She just loves with an open heart and loves you before you even say her name. Oh I love her even though she can be a bit crazy some days. 


I am so grateful that she choose us to be her mommy and daddy because I need her especially while Philip is gone. She brings me such joy everyday which helps during sad days. She is our spoiled and only child for the next many many years :) 


How could you not fall in love with that face? 

Two weeks.

     Today starts two weeks without any communication with my husband. 




My husband, Philip, means more to me than this world. I literally can't express in words the joy he brings me. I have no words to describe how he makes my heart race. I have no words to describe the kind of husband he is to me. I have zero words to express the heart that God gave him. Even thinking about how truly blessed he makes my life brings tears to my eyes. 


I adore Philip so these next two weeks are going to be more than hard for me. It maybe be silly but to my heart it just makes sense. While he is gone doing training for deployment (uggg despise that word), I will be anxiously waiting for his call and drawing closer to God. 


Honestly if I didn't have my Creator by my side and living these tough days with me, I would not make it. I never feel completely lonely because I have peace that God is protecting me but most importantly watching over my husband. God's peace is such a blessing tonight as I sit alone in my house. I can feel Him all around me and holding me together. 


So tonight, I am grateful for not only the man in my life but the Creator than brought us together. 




Dear peaceful God, 


Please let me my husband know that I am always with him and that I love him more than words. Please watch over the soldiers in training and all over the world. I pray for the families back at home that keep everything going. Lord, I thank you for your peace and comfort tonight. I know you are always with me and I am deeply and forever grateful for that. Allow me to draw closer to you during these two weeks and praise you in my every thought and action. Thank you for bringing Philip into my life four years ago. I love you.


- Your daughter 




   

being lost

"Maybe in a strange way there is a beauty in being lost. Because in being lost that means that I still have room to grow. I still have plenty of room to figure me out more. I still have time to dream and dream and dream about the future. Yes, I wish my first dream didn’t die but I know now that I wasn’t meant to be a youth pastor. Or more that the person I am today wasn’t meant to be one. I have a feeling of a freedom in being lost. There is a freedom in this emotion because I don’t have to figure everything out yet. I have time to learn more and more about my future and I can follow my heart. I can follow my heart to wherever it takes me. And in a strange way this uneasy feeling is the best feeling I have ever had."


Something I wrote and still holds such truth to me. Honestly, I love being lost and having so many questions about life, love, and faith. It makes me a better person because I know I don't know everything. It's such a beautiful thing. 

Bring it on

I don't like New Year's resolutions. I never really have and probably never will. To me, they are just silly. I don't really think January 1st should be the day where the nation strives to be the best of themselves. I think it's a journey through out the year to change and honestly who really keeps them? 


What I love to do is to just take a look back at how I have changed over this year. I love to see how I have grown into a better and brighter me. I love to see if I am different than the girl writing on January 10, 2010. 


A year ago, I had just settled into my new apartment with a wonderful and honest friend of mine. I had just left the Christian University I had been going to and was starting at a community college. I was starting a new job and starting a new routine. But most importantly I was starting over. I was a lost, scared, depressed, angry, bitter, unhappy, and terrified woman. I had no idea what the future held for me and what my dreams were. I felt like I lost my self this time last year.


I typed a letter in my computer that truly expresses my heart in the beginning part of 2010. Here is a summary of it:


"What makes our life complete? What makes our life what it was created to be? What am I going to do with the story of my life?

            Those questions and many others have racing through my mind these past couple of weeks. I keep thinking of what in the world I am going to do in the future and where I am going to go. And honestly it can be quiet stressful trying to figure out life’s hardest questions in a matter of a couple of months. It’s almost like you have to figure out every detail of your future in order to satisfy our human minds.

            The truth is that a few months ago I did know exactly what I wanted to do. I knew who I wanted to be and what I was going to do with my life. In August, I knew that I wanted to work with youth in someway or in some formation. I thought I wanted to be a youth minister but not the person standing on stage. More like the person doing the behind the scenes things and just interacting with everyone. That is what I wanted to do for a big portion of my life. I thought that is what I was supposed to do.              
             However now I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel like I can be a youth pastor anymore, not because I feel like I can’t do it. I know the girl six months ago, could have been a fantastic youth pastor. But im not that girl anymore. I am not the person I was six months ago. I have changed and evolved into a woman that has so many deep thoughts and is trying to figure them all out. I am completely different.

            The girl who is typing this today is somebody who can’t work with youth right now. I cant because I am not the person who should be giving any type of advice to anybody. I need time to figure me out again. I need time to understand just how different I am and where this new person is going. I just need time to decide if youth ministry is even a passion of mine anymore.

            Here are some things that I know about my life and who I am today. These things I know I want to do and will accomplish them someway or somehow. I want to ride horses for the rest of my life, I want to travel the world and do mission work while traveling, I want to write books about my life or my experiences with my father and that relationship or Christianity, I want to find a job that will bring me meaning and joy, and I want to marry Philip Guthrie and spend my life with him.

            Those things I know I want to do and I know I want them to be part of my story. As of today and where I am, those are the only things I know to be true."

It's still funny to me to see God's play out so perfectly. I wrote that above letter in February and I married my best friend, Philip, in June. God always had his hand over everything that I did which is the biggest thing that I learned in 2010. 

Today in 2011, I am no longer a lost, scared, depressed, angry, bitter, unhappy, and terrified woman. I am joyful, full of happiness, full of questions, eager, and blessed married woman. I found happiness in 2010 because I became more of myself. I began to grow into the person I have always wanted to be. I grew into somebody that stands for what I believe and chases after my dreams. I became somebody that I am proud of and I love the beautiful human God created. 

So instead of a resolution, I am just excited for the growth that this year will bring. I am excited to see God's plans unfold. I am excited to work on my fears and just enjoy the life I have. So bring it on 2011 and whatever you have for me. I am ready.